To most people, introverts serve as excellent doormats.
Think about this: how many introvert guys have you seen get “bullied” into doing something they didn’t really want to?
On my college campus there were always petitioners, charity types, and booth people always trying to get you to sign up for their “multi-level marketing” scheme or donate money to “save the children” or some other dumb crap.
Every time they talked to me or got in front of me to stop me from walking, I just said no and kept walking.
They were lucky to get a response because usually I’d just ignore them and keep walking.Now it wasn’t always easy for me to do so.
These days it is easy, because I finally learned the value and impact of this simple word.
Why can’t we say “no?”
In our childhood, assuming we had good parentage, we were taught to be nice, agreeable and not to do anything to cause offense. Unfortunately, while this helped us to get along with others, this can also work against us.
In my early years I was a yes guy, and I never got what I wanted because of it, until I learned why.
We get scared of offending people or denying them a piece of our valuable time.
Because introverts already have a hard enough time socially, it just seems easier to be a “yes man.”
I see a lot of shy introvert types get bullied into signing up for some poor sucker trying to meet his member signup quota for his pyramid scheme, even though you could see the introverted guy really didn’t want to.
They didn’t have the sack to say no.
Not being able to deny something means we end up living our lives for other people very quickly.
Doesn’t that sound shitty, having no self-respect and getting respect from nobody, all because you can’t say a monosyllabic word we first learned when we were 2 years old?
Practice saying NO
You don’t have to be an asshole about it, just begin to say no nonchalantly like someone was asking you if you wanted to wear your least-favorite color shirt. Tone is what carries the most meaning. Announce your no like you’re announcing the time. Say no in a resigned manner. Say no boldly (but not fiercely).
If it’s something that comes to you naturally, people won’t fight it. Start with the mundane things, like people waiting outside to ambush you at the store with their clipboards or sugar-laden Girl Scout cookies.
Maybe you feel a need to explain yourself?
Just say no. There’s no need for explanation.
You’re too busy, you’re spending your money on better things, and time is money. Wasting time on an explanation to some schmoe is like stopping to smell the farts for a small fee.
Fear of saying NO is connected to fear of rejection
Many introverts are quite sensitive.
Not necessarily in the poetry sense, but more in the empathy/sympathy sense.
You’re afraid to say no because you’re afraid of being rejected yourself. You don’t want to cause that person the anguish you’d suffer from hearing no, when in reality most people can brush it off.
When you can’t say that simple word, no, people pick up on this hesitation and in a roundabout way come to know you are the type who is afraid to be rejected. With this knowledge, some will leave you be, but others will make you miserable. So keep that in mind.
When you can easily say no, you won’t be afraid of being rejected for anything. This is a crucial life skill, because being rejected happens all the damn time. It should be no sweat off your back, because saying no is actually really easy.
Just practice being that “asshole” who can say no for a while.
Now and then, some people will call you an asshole or a dick, but you’ll get used to it.
They can’t take the rejection? Big deal. Wear your new label like a badge of honor.
After all, they wanted something stupid from you, and you’ve denied them what they want so badly, be it attention, your time, or your money. When they call you names, it’s a low-level persuasion tactic. They’re trying to see if you’ll buckle.
Don’t fucking do it.
If you go back on your no, it’ll be worse than if you had just said yes in the first place.
Stand by your choice and prove that you have a spine.
Where does all of this get me?
Ultimately, by saying no, you become the gatekeeper of your time and your energy.
Besides that, on those occasions when you say that sweet word they want to hear (yes) people lap it up like a thirsty man drinks water.
Your yes becomes more valuable by way of scarcity, much like how a girl becomes more valuable by not spreading her legs for everyone, or how colleges can charge higher tuitions by denying entry to all but “the few” of the fresh high school graduates.
My fellow introverts, go forth and say NO.