Recently the dude over at Danger & Play blog released an awesome podcast called “Game for Introverts: How Introverts Can Meet Women.”
You can listen to it here:
D&P has his own tips and tricks for having a night out as an introvert. All in all, I think it’s a good perspective on how one introvert adapted himself to extrovert settings.
Here’s a summary of what he goes through:
What are introverts?
- D&P explains that introversion is not necessarily the same as being misanthropic, antisocial, shy or socially anxious.
- D&P takes a page from the Jungian definitions “introvert” and “extrovert” which are orientations rather than simple traits: introverts turn inward and get their “energy” from within. Extroverts face outward and get “energy” from outside.
- D&P is a fellow introvert who gets drained from adopting the extroverted orientation when socializing, an inversion of his base orientation.
- Extroverts will never understand introverts so they must adapt to thrive.
Game tactics for introverts
- Fluffy hat “Pickup Artist” game will never work for an introvert – Standing out with appearance must be subtle and humble but push you above the crowd – no boring blue jeans
- Evoke the “strong silent type” – John Wayne/Clint Eastwood – works best if you are masculine-faced and fit
- Understand body language, take up space like a man – Chateau Heartiste’s contrapposto example is a good way to stand
- Play an eye contact “game”: if you meet eyes with a woman at whatever venue you’re in and hold your gaze, and she doesn’t look away from you after, smirk like a cocky bastard and beckon her over with one finger.
- Become a good conversationalist by not actually talking: Listen and ask good questions since everyone, including introverts, love to talk about themselves
- Keep their talking at 60 percent, yours at 40. Go crazy and do 80/20. You must relate back to them.
- Relate something back to the girl you’re talking to – questions that stand out are better than generic shit like “where do you work/attend school/live?” that everyone else says
- Neg: if she asks why you’re not having a good time or being a typical aloof introvert, don’t play into her frame. Instead say something along the lines of “look, everyone around here kinda looks like everyone else. are you just like all these other people?” then she’s taken the bait, hook line and sinker. “I’m not like these people!” et cetera
Socialize with ease
- Read more fiction – it trains you for social situations
- Introverts have an advantage in “the game” because of their ability to listen, observe and learn
- Warm up before going out to socialize to get into “Flow”
- Extroverts sometimes do things that appear to be rude like interrupting your train of thought, but chill because they don’t know what it’s about
- “Knit” people together by introducing them to each other — orchestrate a conversation between people with great questions
- Play a game: see how long you can let a person talk about themselves without letting them ask you questions
- Dance around a topic with tangents, then return to square one when talking with someone
The only thing I can knock on here is that a couple of D&P’s tips are catered toward socializing by emulating an extrovert and “meeting women” in general, so this does not mean you will meet a top-notch introvert female this way (only a caveat if this is what you are looking for, and are not simply looking for sloots to bang — It’s something I want to cover here on this site in the near future). But D&P is about meeting women and having fun, so that’s that.
As for warming up before socializing, don’t get too crazy and burn out all your fuel warming up before you get out there.
As for the talking game, you have to give cues that you are listening if you want them to keep talking. Ask questions, and if you are at a loss for a question, simply rephrase what they were talking about: “So I crossed the street in busy traffic, and this red car came by” “A red car almost hit you? How fast did you think it was driving?” or something along those lines. Just be dynamic about it and don’t ask the same boring questions as other people.
If you need to brush up on conversational technique, Barking Up The Wrong Tree has a great series of posts on that subject.
This is a good podcast to throw on in the car and learn a few things from. Even if you already know some of this stuff, it’s great to see how someone else has applied it as an introvert. Thanks for this one, D&P.
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